SRA Gives First Impressions of Freedom
I woke up around 3:30am and my house was so quiet!! I have never, ever heard my house so quiet! It was like no one was home! My husband and son were both sleeping quietly. There was no thrashing about, no snoring or heavy breathing. Nothing. Nothing but quiet! I never realized how noisy it was! I have slept over at a few houses in my lifetime that were that quiet though. Not many, but I remember a few. I just can not get over the quiet! I think, somehow, that my physical house is quieter, too…not so many creaks/bumps/noises. I can’t quite put my finger on all of it as there is just so much newness at this point. It is like a giant game of “can you find what is missing?”.
I feel more solid inside – like I could rap on myself (rap as in knuckles, like you would knock on a piece of wood to show that it is solid). My sinuses are draining, too. I feel tired and know I should sleep, but just can not get over it all. It all just feels so different! There are so many different things, even about being awake right now, that I can hardly find the words to describe! There is so much wonder…..and I wonder what I am going to find/discover next! :). Ken said it should be that way – positive, looking on it like an adventure. I think I am getting a glimpse of understanding now. I feel like I am meeting myself for the first time. “hey! This is my arm! Nice to meet you arm! It is truly a pleasure! Wow, that is really me! It belongs to me! To my body! I am in control. Wow!”. 🙂
My husband was smiley when I got home. Despite the fact that he had gotten little sleep the night before and had worked from home, which is often less productive and annoying for him, he had had a good day (this it not normal! Roger needs his sleep – his own words!) He had also gotten lots accomplished! I saw/felt no traces of depression on him. It has been a long time since I have seen that missing. He looked/felt cleaner and brighter. And, he felt good (again, it’s been a long, long time, if ever!). Interestingly enough, he said he remembered nothing I had said to him last night or this morning. He came out of his office late morning and couldn’t figure out why there was a babysitter there and where I had gone! :)) My son Nicholas had had a good day, too and was also very bright and smiley.
Well, I am feeling sleepy and hungry, so I think I’ll snack, pray and return to bed. Thanks again for all you’ve done and for listening to me process! I look forward to seeing you tonight and to you meeting my family tomorrow!
Love and blessings to you,
A. G. Pennsylvania