Before my deliverance, my mind did not know rest, and it did not know peace.
- Often times, it felt like thoughts were slamming around inside my head like dozens of racquetballs.
- It took all I had just to exist from moment to moment. I had to focus so hard on just the basics of functioning, that there was no energy left to live life.
- I wanted to die more often than I wanted to live. Often times, I apologized to God for even being alive. I saw very little value to my existence.
Then, for the first few weeks after my deliverance, for the very first time in my adult life, I’ve known moments of peace, and I’ve known moments of calm.
- My head no longer felt like racquetballs were ricocheting around inside of it, and my thinking was clear in a way that I had not known in over 8 years.
- Not only did I not have to focus on just getting from moment to moment, but I even had energy left over when I got home from work! I had energy to live life, not to just exist.
- And although I can’t say that I’ve totally overcome the problem of not seeing a lot of value in myself, I know that God has promised to finish the good work that he has begun in us. And I believe that he will.
And the most remarkable change is… for the first time in my life, I could say with all my being, Jesus Christ is the Lord our God and he reigns over all the universe! MY GOD REIGNS!
Life is a process, and so is healing. And sometimes processes are hard to put into words. Often times, once the deliverance is complete, life ministry is necessary to complete the healing process. And that is where I’m at now… working through the pain and the scars. So, although I may not have the exuberance and the energy that I did when I first went through the deliverance, I no longer have thoughts slamming around my head like racquetballs, and I still have moments, however brief, of peace and moments of calm. And I have no doubt that if I find the strength to endure, I will once again experience the clearness of mind, and the exuberance of life that God gave me the precious, precious glimpse of. Because, My God Reigns! (The end… for now!)